i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
