Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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