wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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