drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
