She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
