No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
