youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
