i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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