Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize