Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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