Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
