Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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