I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
