I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
