dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize