i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
