so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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