we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
