so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
