I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
