Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize