dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize