They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
