Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
