you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
