I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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