if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize