Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
