You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
