Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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