We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
