I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
