I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What drink are we having for lunch?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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