i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
