please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wear drunk well.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
