I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
