I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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