i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
