Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize