I am puke
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
