You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
