you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
