Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
