So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
