butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
