So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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