I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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