dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
