just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
