I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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