thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
