we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
