its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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