would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there's paper in my vomit.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
