i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well you can't waste a boner
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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