Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
