The best revenge is premature balding
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
