the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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