Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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