My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
