On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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