btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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