Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
