I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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