I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
