he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
