Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
