I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
