I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
