they need to just BURY HIM!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
